As my sister KC was coming to after her double knee replacement, her first words were, “ is mom okay?” referring to our 94-year-old mother. KC’s next sentence, “How is Courtney doing?” referring to her 44-year-old daughter.
“You okay?” “ Yeah, you okay”? “Yeah, you okay?” Not really. If this sounds familiar, let me be the first to welcome you to the club… sandwich. You are the bread in the middle, your parents are the bread on the bottom, and your kids are the bread on the top. What does all this gluten have in common? You are ALL aging.
The club sandwich is a level up from the sandwich generation, a term coined in the 1980s by my mentor, Elaine Brody (gerontologist), and Dorothy Miller (social worker). They used it to describe women in their 30s and 40s who found themselves caught between the dual caregiving responsibilities of raising children and providing care and support to aging parents.
Fast forward to today, the sandwich is thicker. It is no longer unusual for a family to have an aging 90-year-old grandmother, an aging 70-year-old mother, and an aging 50-year-old daughter. Most families find this triple-decker a gift and a challenge thing. The challenges almost always include meeting care needs. Approximately 40 million Americans are providing unpaid care to adults. While more men are providing care, women still do the majority of the heavy lifting. For those of us in the thick of the sometimes delicious, often very messy club sandwich, here are links (in blue) to 5 non-profits that may help.
Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA)
The goal of FCA is to improve the quality of life of caregivers. FCA supports family caregivers via education, services, and research-based initiatives. They connect caregivers to support groups and programs.ElderHelp
ElderHelp is a nonprofit dedicated to helping people become more independent in their own homes. They have a repository of information for family caregivers and information on care coordination.National Institute on Aging
The NIA is a governmental resource providing articles, tips, and fact sheets on long-term care planning and long-distance caregiving.
The Caregiver Foundation
This nonprofit provides educational material and money-management guides. They provide practical and emotional support to caregivers and host seminars and meetings.
National Alliance for Caregiving
This is a coalition of 40 national organizations that have come together to empower family caregivers. They have multiple Guidebooks on navigating caregiving for others and a community resource center where you can search for relevant resources and information.